Ideology
Beliefs: My beliefs come from personal observation and experience. My beliefs don’t create my identity. I have no emotional connection to my beliefs; if I learn a belief is wrong, I change it. My beliefs shape and influence my practices. My beliefs are not automatically facts just because I believe them. My beliefs are not my original ideas and I don’t claim them to be. In truth I don’t know what I am talking about – all that I know is I am having an expeirence flying through space on a giant blue ball and I am skeptical of anyone who claims to confidently know any more than that.
Practice: My practices come from my beliefs. If any practice stops serving my best interests I change the practice. Practices never end. In all cases n=1 meaning I do what is best for me, and what is best for me doesn’t mean it is best for anyone else. I observe everyone but follow no one. Perfection is the enemy of good – if I fail in one of my practices I strive to do better next time. My practices are simple because simple is sustainable.
In 2019 I walked across East Africa – trekking on foot for 58 days and 1,087 miles across Kenya, Uganda, and Rwanda. Below each Practice are moments from a single day on our expedition to illustrate personal implementation of my ideology.
Movement
Beliefs: Humans were born to move. The goals of my movement and exercise is to be an optimal and functional human being, and to become efficient in my movement. If someone tells me “Brian, go fetch water and bring it back” or “Brian, climb up the ladder onto the roof to clean the gutters” I want to be confident and able. Through my body’s ability through movement to cause physical suffering I easier access my true self. Motion causes emotion.
Practice: I move everyday. I vary the types of activities I do (endurance, high intensity, strength, low impact, etc.), the activities I do (running, cycling, body weight training, etc.), the effort and time of those activities, and my recovery (yoga, stretching, foam rolling, Foundations). I go slow on my slow days so I can go push myself on fast/tempo days. While running I perceive effort using my breath – breathing in a 3/2, 2/1, or 2/1 1/1 pattern, through my nose or through my mouth. I establish my relative effort and heart rate zone (1-5) and spend most of my time in Zone 2. I wear a GPS watch but I do not let it dictate my workout unless that was my prior intention, and never wear it in a race. I welcome the pain and practice equanimity towards it. If I am running up a hill and my legs begin to hurt, too often my mind feels the pain and impulsively produces negative thoughts like “This sucks! Why am I doing this? I should stop.” Instead I tell myself, “Yes I feel the pain. It isn’t good or bad, its just there. I actually like it. Can I get some more?” The pain instantly loses any emotional grip on my mind. Equanimity is stronger than pain. When training to get stronger, faster, and more efficient, I follow this formula: success = consistency x (stress + rest). Progress comes from finding my lactate threshold – where it is uncomfortable and any more effort would be unsustainable - and increasing the time I spent there.
3:29 am | The cry of a blind rogue rooster wakes me up only moments before my iPhone alarm clock finished the job with the same tonal ring I’ve despised since high school. I stumble out of bed but end up tangled in the mosquito net that is half-draped over my worn out mattress, rendered useless anyway by it’s gaping holes larger than even the largest mosquito. I stand up on the unforgiving cement floor; my feet ache and throb. Its 3:30am and we’re somewhere in the middle of nowhere, western Uganda. I pack in the dark while enjoy my luke-warm instant coffee I made the night before, sipping slowly out of a BPA-free metal thermos I bought last week – a sure upgrade over plastic water bottles and their leaky chemicals. Do I want to walk 24 miles today? I’m tired from weeks on the road, fatigued from carrying a pack that seems to magically get heavier everyday. But this is why I move. Yes, I want to walk, in fact there is nothing I want more.
Nature
Being outdoors returns me to a more primal state of being and to the pace of nature. Without reading ahead touch the nearest “nature” to you. Did you reach for the potted-succulent on the table? Maybe a blade of grass under the blanket you’re sitting on? Or did you have to get up and find some “nature”? In reality all you need to do is touch yourself. We are nature but we too often forget. Being in the outdoors returns me, nature, into nature. I can’t stay outside forever, so why go outside at all?
“You cannot stay on the summit [outdoors] forever; you have to come down again. So why bother in the first place? Just this: What is above knows what is below, but what is below does not know what is above. One climbs, one sees. One descends, one sees no longer, but one has seen. There is an art of conducting oneself in the lower regions by the memory of what one saw higher up. When one can no longer see, one can at least still know.” – Rene Daumal.
Nature provides me with increased opportunities for solitude. Solitude does not mean being holed up in a remote cabin far from society (although it can be). Solitude is freedom from inputs of other minds. Solitude is important because without distractions I can face what is in my own mind. Society values stimulation over boredom, constant communication over solitude. Being in nature for any amount of time moves me closer to my true self - free of input from others - and makes me more grateful for society when I enter again.
Practice: I seek out, spend time in, and appreciate nature as much as / whenever possible.
4:16 am | We depart the roadside guesthouse by 4:00am, happy to leave the stench of stale urine behind. Its dark - the barren road slightly illuminated by a setting moon and splattering of stars. I find myself walking through a grove of eucalyptus trees. Leaves blocking the sky, each tree loses its individuality, blending into the next to form one giant organism, breathing, alive, of which I am now part. I am in awe of the forest and instantly feel in the midst of something larger than myself. My steps start to resemble the swaying of the branches around me. My identity as a human becomes insignificant and I feel myself morphing into a eucalyptus tree. I am one with the nature around me and in awe of its expanse. Walking suddenly feels like the most natural thing I can do so I continue, now effortlessly.
Meditation
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Victor E. Frankl
Beliefs: The two goals of my meditation practice are: to create space, and to establish the optimal relationship between attention and awareness. People constantly seek distraction; meditation forces me to confront what is in my mind instead of run from it. Mediation trains me to become a dispassionate observer of my thinking mind. When I am able to observe the thoughts in my mind with no emotional connection to them, those thoughts have no power and I don’t get caught up in them. If “I” am observing my thinking mind, what is doing the observing? It is my greater self.
Everyone has that little judgmental and self-abusing voice in their heads. That voice never goes away, just like my anxieties and fears will never go away. Meditation does not remove these voices and emotions, it teaches me to relate to them in a healthy way. This is vital because until I can be at peace with my inner voice and love myself, I cannot love anyone else. To be true to others I must first be true to myself. Meditation teaches compassion to oneself, which is compassion for others.
“In your whole life nobody has ever abused you more than you have abused yourself. And the limit of your self-abuse is exactly the limit that you will tolerate from someone else. If someone abuses you a little more than you abuse yourself, you will probably walk away from that person. But if someone abuses you a little less than you abuse yourself, you will probably stay in the relationship and tolerate it endlessly.” – Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
My mind is like every other muscle in my body and grows with practice and repetition. Meditation is the mind’s best work out and eventually my mind begins to incorporate equanimity and space easier into daily life. Meditation does not allow me to transcend anxiety; it teaches me to transcend the person who was ruled by anxiety. I don’t forgive anybody; I overcome the person who held grudges. Meditation teaches me that I am not my emotions. Meditation returns the power to the thinker, not the thoughts. Meditation allows my mind to become the still point in a turning world. Enlightenment is an accident and meditation makes me more accident-prone.
Practice: My meditation practice is based off of The Mind Illuminated and supplemented by the Headspace app and Waking Up app. Running and other activities have meditative aspects to them however my formal meditation practice is enjoyed seated in the half-lotus position, with my eyes gently closed, and my tongue on the roof of my mouth as if saying the word “hut.” I meditate everyday in the morning immediately after I wake up and brush my teeth. I take additional short moments throughout the day to observe physical sensations (what I see, hear, and feel) and sensations of the breath in the diaphragm and at the nose. These short moments can take place anywhere and for any length of time, from a few breaths to a few minutes or longer. My mindset towards emotions is: let it come, let it be, let it go / acknowledge, allow, accept.
6:14 am | I’m still in awe as the trees become fewer and I can again see the sky. I am struck by my insignificance in the universe - both a demoralizing and immensely freeing albeit thought-provoking thought. I decide its too early for thoughts. I look around and observe things near – small clumps of soil – and far – the silhouette of a mountain in the distance. I think to myself “Damn, we’re going to have to climb that later” before I recognize the thought as a thought, let it come, let it be, and let it go. I hear the whimsical chirps of birds and the ominous growl of a diesel engine. I feel the dry breeze on my face and the sensation of the bottom of my feet moving across the Earth. I feel my breath – in, out, sat, nam – deep in my diaphragm and at the tip of my nose. I am aware of the road while focusing my attention on observing the natural world around me, which before I know it, is welcoming the rising African sun.
Mindset
Beliefs: I believe in a growth mindset, that I am a lifelong student and anything can be learned. My value comes from who I am, not what I do. I believe that anything that happens today (even if, and especially if, it is perceived as bad) is in my best interests; it is an opportunity for me to learn and grow. Life doesn’t happen to me; life happens for me. I always and without exception have the freedom to choose my mindset and my response to any situation. Every thought either constricts or expands the mind. Identifying and knowing my values guides me and helps me make decisions. Every decision I make is an opportunity to live in alignment with my values. My values are: health (diet, sleep, meditation, movement), compassion (kindness and gratitude regardless of circumstance), charity (giving back because it is the right thing to do, not to be told “thank you”), accessibility (being a good family member and friend, patience, understanding), mindfulness (presence, awareness, intentionality, equanimity), and challenge through endurance activities (makes me feel proud and alive).
Practice: When I feel anger or anxiety at a situation I thank the people or situation that is annoying me and tell myself “This is an opportunity for me to learn to be a more patient person. Thank you for testing my patience and giving me this opportunity for self-growth.” Every decision is an opportunity for me to live in alignment with my values so I remind myself of my values before decisions in which I know I may commit prajnaparadha– crimes against wisdom (Sanskrit/Ayurveda).
7:04 am | The sun rises above the horizon to reveal a landscape of gently rolling hills, banana trees, and vibrant villages stirring in the early light. Ahead I see commotion. A sinkhole has opened and swallowed the road which means a detour and a few extra miles of walking to avoid the broken earth. Negative thoughts impulsively pop into my mind before I ask myself why am I angry? Then a realization – in English we say “I am angry” but in Swahili we say “Niko na hasira” (“I have anger”). Indeed, I am not the anger that I feel. This sinkhole is in my best interest; it is simply testing my patience today and making me a more patient person tomorrow. With a changed mindset, I pick up my pace.
Identity
Beliefs: I am confined by the stories I tell myself about myself. People think they know who I am because I have very carefully created a story that I show everybody. I have created this story of my life and who I am through training, but my story limits me and puts me in a box. The story I tell myself about myself is not true but still influences my actions. When I am at a bar and karaoke starts I immediately become tense because I am afraid to sing in front of people. But that fear came from a moment when I was 8 years old, singing, and a classmate told me a I have a bad voice. From that moment on I’ve believe I have a bad voice and it became part of the story I tell myself about myself, manifesting in a fear of singing and karaoke. That fear is self-created, fake, and restricts me.
I should never be labeled by what I say or do. To call me a vegan because I practice a vegan lifestyle is true but counterproductive because it puts the labeled (me) in a certain box and permits the labeler to make assumptions about me. When I label myself I begin to act how I think someone of that label should act, instead of simply being myself. When my friends identify me as “the vegan” I unconsciously tend to act how I think a vegan should act, and then I begin to act how I think my friends think a vegan should act.
By labeling myself I put myself in a box based on stories I tell myself about myself. If I self-identify resilient, my ego will always look for ways to prove my resilience. What do I need in my life to prove my resilience? Pain, suffering, difficulty, and trauma so that I can be resilient again. I will keep creating trauma in my life and will never become successful because I would need to lose my self-identity to find ease and success.
Practices: I examine the cause of my reactions and emotions to see if they are based on reality or based on a fake story I tell myself about myself. I remind myself that the stories I tell myself about myself are not true and can be changed. I do not label others or myself. I am aware if my own actions and decisions are rooted in reality and objectivity or in what I think someone with my self-identity should do.
9:01 am | We’ve been walking for a few hours when someone from the back of the group asks if we want to take a break. I impulsively think No. We need to keep going or we’ll be late and being late gives me anxiety. I suddenly feel anxious…but do I? What exactly will we be late for? I’ve falsely self-identified myself as an anxious person based on a story I tell myself about myself, then make myself anxious to prove my self-identity, and finally feel anxious about being anxious. Being aware of this loop instantly frees me from it. An enlightened person would never be caught in a harmful loop. I think to myself. Again I've labeled myself! Instead of acting how I assume an “enlightened person” should act, I contemplate that part of enlightenment is having the awareness to free myself from my own self-imposed identity. Before the group has a chance to answer “Yes” I’ve already placed my pack down on the wet grass, fully embracing and grateful for the break we’re about to take.
Perception
Beliefs: I must never perceive or take anything personally because we are not in control of anybody else’s thoughts or actions. If someone tells me “Brian you are the ugliest person in the world” it has nothing to do with me or my physical appearance, but everything to do with that person’s own insecurities and anger. Every person’s actions reflect solely on himself in the same way that my words and actions reflect solely on myself. Being gripped by an emotion based on words or actions out of my control over is counterproductive; it is allowing something or someone to steal my peace. If you compliment me I don’t take it personally; if you criticize me I don’t take it personally; the same person who loves me today will hate me tomorrow. Having an emotional response to a situation is selfish - my emotions have nothing to do with another person’s journey thus I am projecting my own journey and feelings on to someone else’s situation.
Our form is our function, our natures win out. When my dogs bark I impulsively get angry. But that is silly - a dog’s nature is to bark, just like a woodpecker’s nature is to peck the side of my house, just like a some peoples’ nature is to lie. I should never be surprised or angry about beings returning to their nature. The nature of human beings is a quiet calm confidence, but it has gotten jumbled up somewhere along the way. I am trying to return to my nature - a stressed man puts something on everyday, a wise man takes something off everyday. Our nature and our source of happiness is already inside me, waiting to be accessed. Being caught up in the false reality of my mind prevents me from reaching my nature.
There are always two different realities in which I can live: the one in my head (run by the ego and full of assumptions and lies) and the true reality of the real world. I have the power to choose which reality I live in. There are dramas that play out in our head but never exist in the true reality of the world. Never taking anything personally, never making assumptions, and controlling the controllables keeps me living in the true reality of the real world and out of my own, fake, ego-induced reality of my thinking mind. The difference between the expectations of reality inside my brain and the true reality that exists creates in me feelings of frustration and anxiety.
There are three assumptions we make which are actually untrue in reality - that things exist, that I am a separate “self,” and that happiness comes from the interaction between the two. The true nature of reality is that there are no things only process, that our perceptions and everything we experience as reality are mere fabrications of the mind, that the “self” we think we are is as impermanent as everything else, and the world is not the source of our happiness.
Practice: I never take anything personally. I control the controllables and accept what I am unable to control. I take full responsibility for my own words, actions, and reactions. I recognize when I am having an emotional response to a situation I cannot control and stop. I never perceive personal the words or actions of someone else. I never make assumptions. When I have an emotional response to something or someone out of my control, I tell myself “Do not let [that thing / that person] steal my peace.”
10:58 am | Its mid-morning by the time we pass through our first town. Matatus speed by carrying an excess of passengers and goats alike. The contradicting smells of fried dough and burning garbage fight for airspace. As I pass a small shop a man shouts to me “Mzungu! Mzungu! Give me money! Now.” My reaction is a mixture of anger (how rude can this guy be?) and sadness (is this the result of a failed model of international aid?). I open my mouth to snap back, a response equal parts wit and belittlement.. But I don’t. I can’t control what this man says to me but I can control my response. I pause and simply say “Pole mzee, sina pesa saa hii, lakini labda kesho!” (“Sorry elder, I don’t have any money right now, but maybe tomorrow!”). With the same voice I thought so annoying a few seconds earlier he says softly “Asante, safari salama” (“Thank you, safe journey”).
The Ego
Beliefs: The thinking mind is a liar and a thief. My ego is my own enemy. My ego needs me to be right and to be better at the cost of being correct. My ego convinces me that my approach is the best approach and everyone should use the same approach just because I do.
My ego thinks of me as a separate “self” and magnifies my perceived selfish desires. The idea of “the self” – the very idea of “I,” “me,” and “my” – is an illusion. The self is made up, locked into identification. “I” “my” and “me” are fictional but convenient constructs used to organize all my separate conscious experiences. The mind incorrectly assumes that this fictional construct is an actual entity, which is not true. The mind’s fictional “I” then becomes the mind’s ego and self, and the “it” is seen as the cause for hedonic feelings and emotions that arise. Any difference between my”self” and the “world” is an illusion - “I”/”it” or “self”/”other” is just a construct of my subconscious observing and processing information.
Consciousness and the human experience is the universe experiencing itself through itself. If I go for a run, it is not me going for a run – it is the universe going for a run through me. We are all one – there is no difference between a human, a dog, and a tree. We all configurations of the same dust from exploded stars billions of light years away. Our insignificance in the universe cannot be overstated. The ego hates this fact but it is true. Just like wave in an ocean is at the same time a part of the ocean and also contains the entire ocean in it, we “individuals” are waves of the universe – intimately connected and of the same origin. When the ego is not in control we are able to see others as allies instead of judges. We are able to observe the world and our own minds with equanimity, revealing the fact that the success of others is also our own.
When I progress in life I sometimes receive negative pushback from friends and family in the form of criticism, skepticism, or gossip. This is because most people are uncomfortable seeing me progress while they stay stationary in their own lives. Seeing me excel makes their egos feel worse about themselves. The ego detests not being the best and refuses to take blame. It is easier for them to bring me back down to their lower level than to it is elevate themselves to my higher level through taking responsibility and ownership of their own situations. Pushback I receive is never truly about me – it is a reflection of peoples’ own situation being projected onto my situation so they can feel better about themselves.
When I believe thoughts to be “mine,” I become attached to them. Then my ego must defend them. Attachment to thoughts that appear in my consciousness fuels the ego and drives a false sense of identity defined by the rightness of those thoughts. Disagreement doesn’t include anger. That’s ego.
Practice: I remind myself that my ego is my enemy, that my mind is a liar and a thief, and that I should have an objective, dispassionate view of my own mind and the world around me.
11:33 am | Walking next to me is a child with a paper bag full of mandazi, friend dough balls. As she eats I think to myself how dumb she is for eating such an unhealthy food. I then realize this is my ego lying to me, assuming that my approach to eating is better than hers just because its mine. I see clearly the ego’s attempt to make me feel better about myself through judgment and comparison, this time to a girl I know nothing about who’s only crime is eating the same balls of fried dough that I’ve eaten countless times in my own life. Realizing how selfish this is makes body feels lighter as I continue to walk without the task of comparing myself to the world.
Diet
Beliefs: Food is medicine; it impacts our physical and mental states. A whole-food, plant-based vegan diet is the healthiest and most sustainable diet for human beings in today’s world. Processed food and added sugar are harmful. Any added sugar is highly addictive to me and I try to avoid it completely. Most people consume more than enough protein and not enough fiber. A healthy plant-based diet reduces inflammation. Eating foods in, or closest to, their natural state is best. A vegan diet could be potato chips and Coca-Cola but that is unhealthy and harmful.
An ideal diet should consist of a high variety of: leafy plants (moringa, kale, spinach), legumes (beans, lentils, chickpeas), complex carbohydrates (sweet potato, quinoa, whole grains), fruits, healthy fats (avocado, coconut, nuts) and seeds (chia, pumpkin, hemp). A variety of foods increases the variety of good bacteria in my gut and micro-biome. Most people are over-eating and starving at the same time. They eat highly caloric foods that lack nutrients. Because the body does not receive nutrients, it does not feel satisfied. Not feeling satisfied people continue to eat until eventually they’re obese and starved for essential nutrients at the same time. A vegan diet high in nutrient-dense foods and fiber is best. Cow’s milk is designed by nature for a...cow. The purpose of cow’s milk is to help the calf become large and heavy as quickly as possible to better defend itself against natural predators in the wild. Cow’s milk has no health benefit for humans - calcium can be found elsewhere abundantly, and studies show no correlation between risk of osteoporosis and milk consumption. It is strange that humans are the only animals on Earth who drink the milk of different animal.
I was first intrigued by veganism because of my diet in Kenya. For months I would live on a Kenyan non-vegan diet high in local, natural foods. When I ate meat it was once a month or for a special occasion, and I would usually slaughter the animal myself. Whenever I came back to the United States I instantly felt worse, slower, and far from optimal. My diet of processed meats, cheese at every meal, and added sugar in everything was no longer serving my best interests. In 2017 I adopted a healthy, whole-food, plant based vegan diet.
Being vegan and living with a variety of farm animals has taught me that a dog is not so different from a cow, which is not so different from a chicken, which is not so different from a human like me. It has become more challenging to morally justify eating another living being. Living a healthy vegan lifestyle reduces the amount of pain and suffering I inflict on other living beings and therefore on myself. Perfect is the enemy of good, and while I will never fully eliminate pain that I inflict on other beings, I have the responsibility to reduce it.
Many people have no connection to where their food comes from. The packaged chicken breast in the supermarket looks nothing like a chicken so it is easier for people to avoid thinking about the death of that chicken. People are so removed from the food on their plate that they avoid accepting that they are responsible for the pain, suffering, and death they’ve caused for every animal they eat.
I believe intermittent-eating is the healthiest way to eat. Intermittent-eating (some call it intermittent-fasting) gives my digestive system a break from constant work and my blood sugar a break from constant spikes and dips by limiting my caloric intake to certain periods. During the window of the day when I eat, I eat. People assume I am starving myself until they share a meal with me. In truth I surpass my caloric needs with delicious and nourishing food that fills me up and fuels me. I am more grateful when I eat after a fast as opposed to mindlessly snacking throughout the day.
Intermittent-eating breaks my emotional reliance on food by reminding me that even if I am a little bit hungry, I don’t need food to make me feel better. With a tendency to comfort myself with sugary snacks and processed junk food to hide (for a moment) the pain of deeper emotional issues, intermittent-eating helps break my emotional connection to food, freeing me to confront my actual emotional issues instead of trying to distract myself from them.
Not consuming calories for extended periods enables my body to become more efficient at using my own fat (an abundant, consistent, slow-burning fuel source) instead of carbohydrates (the food in my stomach) for energy. Becoming more fat-adapted benefits my physical performance and endurance. Instead of bonking in a long run and relying on carbohydrate-rich energy gels and sugary sports drinks for energy, my body more efficiently converts the resource I already have (stores of fat) into energy. This means when I do eat the sports gel during a race I receive a super boost that my body hasn’t become immune to. Becoming fat-adapted decreases cravings for sugar and carbohydrates throughout the day and late at night, although I am never in a state of ketosis because I enjoy a diet rich in complex carbohydrates.
Practice: I eat a whole food, plant-based diet high in fiber and low in added sugar. I eat a variety of leafy green vegetables, legumes, fruits, complex carbohydrates, healthy fats, nuts and seeds. I eat as large of a variety of plants as possible. I eat to live, not live to eat. I take a B12 supplement and daily symbiotic for better gut and micro-biome health. I choose organic, local, and seasonal food when possible. I drink about 5 liters of water daily. I try to avoid processed foods, anything with added sugar, and vegan junk foods. If I treat myself to a dessert or any unhealthy treat, I enjoy it fully rather than feeling guilt and regret. I eat between 1:00pm – 7:00pm; these times are strict but malleable for genuine reasons. I eat lunch and dinner, and enjoy healthy snacks. I eat until I am full. During the 18 hours fasting period (7:00pm - 1:00pm) I drink water, black coffee, and tea with no sugar.
1:23 pm | Ahead we spot a small mud hut with an artfully woven grass-thatched roof. The sun is high in the sky and my shadow has all but disappeared. Lunchtime. We near the hut and are overwhelming relieved to see it is a small restaurant serving rice, beans, and matoke (boiled bananas). Good thing I love carbs, I think to myself. I dive into the black hole that is my backpack and produce a jar of organic moringa powder. I cut up a ripe avocado and sprinkle crushed pilipili (chili peppers) on top of the colorful mountain of food on my plate. Before my first bite I can’t help but be grateful for the food I am about to eat and the strength it will give me to keep walking.
Suffering
Beliefs: Pain is an inevitable part of human life but suffering is entirely optional; we choose to suffer (this also means that while pleasure is inevitable, happiness is optional). The equation for suffering is: suffering = pain x resistance. If resistance to pain is 0 then suffering is also 0, and there is no suffering. Learning to embrace the pain and be comfortable being uncomfortable is vital. By becoming friends with pain I’ll never be alone. In discomfort and pain the less significant layers of my life are peeled away like an onion; in discomfort and pain my truest self is revealed; in discomfort and pain I am able to grow. Discomfort is thus a catalyst for growth and our healthy relationship with discomfort essential. Of course this is not easy. When in pain it is easy to think the pain will never end, and this is a demoralizing thought. However - all pain is temporary and no matter how bad it may seem in the moment, it too shall pass. Awareness of this fact while in pain reduces pain’s emotional grip on my mind.
My thinking mind has been trained by society to reject discomfort because society associates “bad” with “discomfort.” Discomfort isn’t inherently good or bad. Once my thinking mind realizes and accepts that I will endure the discomfort, it stops trying to convince me to seek comfort and thus it becomes easier to be comfortable in discomfort.
Society is too focused on maximizing comfort and minimizing discomfort at all costs. Placing comfort above all else and avoiding any and all discomfort makes us less physically adaptable and less emotionally agile. I am not saying we should strive to be uncomfortable when it isn’t necessary, but that discomfort has benefits too. Through our pursuit of a comfort lifestyle we experience more pain - chronic pain rates accelerate as our lifestyles appear to get more comfortable. The irony is that the comfort and luxury is creating the pain that we then need to medicate ourselves against. Our need for comfort is the cause for most of our discomfort.
Practice: I embrace the pain and discomfort instead of resisting it. I tell myself that pain is not inherently positive or negative. This equanimity removes any emotional grip the pain has on my brain and my response to the pain becomes one of acceptance instead of resistance. I breath into the pain, appreciate the pain, verbally talk to the pain. I remind myself even though in the moment the pain feels eternal, “this too shall pass.” I ask myself, “Am I worthy of my suffering?”
3:01 pm | The sign ahead of us reads Climbing Lane 4.2 KM. We ascend and my legs begin to ache. Beads of sweat roll down my forehead taking with them the Ghanian shea butter I applied that morning before entering my eyes with a sting. A large truck rumbles by spewing out a dark, milky cloud of smoke into my face. I wish they had emissions testing in this country I think. My mood takes a dive as I push further up the hill and deeper into the pain cave. My left heel begins to ache, then throb with every step. For a few seconds I resist the pain and it gets worse, but then something strange happens. Maybe it’s the heat, or the too-many-miles of walking, but I say out loud to nobody in particular and to my left foot at the same time, “Oh left heel, I hear ya. I give you full permission to hurt as much as you want. Now that I’ve agreed to let you hurt, you hurting doesn’t bother me.” And just like that...the pain doesn’t reside; actually the pain doesn’t change at all. What changes is my relationship to it. I feel the pain but it no longer bothers me and thus has no emotional effect on me anymore. My suffering disappears. I begin to feel good, almost too good. I walk faster, even faster uphill than I was walking on the flats a few hours ago. Embracing the pain instead of resisting it, I’ve eliminated my suffering. I suddenly feel unstoppable, and somewhat insane for having verbally addressed my left heel.
Awareness
Beliefs: I strive to be aware and present in every moment. When I am present there are never any problems because problems onlyexist in the past or the future. Being present doesn’t mean never planning or taking positive actions to affect my future, but it means taking these activities with awareness. Awareness is the first step to any change in my life because it required for mindfulness and the creation of space. When I am aware – conscious of my surroundings, feeling the sensations of my breath, observing my mood and thoughts – a space is created in my mind. It isn’t just a space of time – a few seconds of observations without thought – but also one of physical space somewhere deep in my brain. This space gives me a new perspective that allows me to act intentionally choose my response instead of reacting to any one of the millions of stimuli around me.
Imagine I am walking down the street and see someone selling a hat. I react and start thinking, “That hat would look good on me, people would like me more if I wore that hate!” and I buy the hat. I had no intention to buy any hat before I saw it and so essentially the hat hijacked my brain; the hat bought me. Creating space between reaction and response ensures that the action I’m about to take, or what I’m about to say which can never be taken back, is mindful and intentional instead of mindless and reactionary. Unless I make the unconscious conscious, it will direct my life and I will call it fate. What happens the moment I realize I’m sleeping through life?
Practice: Throughout the day I observe the physical sensations of my breath in the diaphragm and at the nose to connect with my physical body and to appreciate moments of observation without thought. This can take place anywhere – lying down, on the back of a motorcycle, or before a meal – and can be a few seconds or a few minutes. I repeat to myself, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Victor E. Frankl
4:07 pm | At first I think it’s a mirage, a hallucination resulting from the 22 miles we’ve already walked today. But what I am seeing is real – a cold Coke Zero displayed outside of a small shop! I can’t believe my luck! This is the first refrigerator we’ve passed in days and I impulsively grab the coldest Coke Zero I can find. Standing in line to pay I have second thoughts. I ask myself: Do I want this Coke Zero? Yes…but I also want water. Is this Coke Zero good for me? Well…it doesn’t have sugar but all those other chemicals are just as bad. Did I intend to buy this Coke Zero before I saw it? No. The more I think, the more I realize that the Coke Zero in my hand is buying me. It has hijacked my brain to trick my mind into believing I need something I didn’t’ know existed five minutes prior. Am I really this impressionable? I return the Coke Zero and grab a 1.5 liter bottle of water so cold it has a few ice chunks floating in it like melting glaciers in the warming ocean. I gulp too quickly and by the time the ensuing brain-freeze hits, I’ve already forgotten about the Coke Zero.
Phones
Beliefs: Phones are not meant to be a constant companion. Throughout history humans have utilized small breaks in the day to process what is happening and what has recently happened in their lives. Now every small break is filled with a screen, distraction, and stimulation. When you’re out to eat with a friend and she goes to the bathroom, how often do you impulsively take the phone out of your pocket? Humans have forgotten how to be bored, and being bored is beneficial. Boredom without distraction allows me to confront what is in my mind, process it, and move forward. Without processing I may forget for a while but that bother or emotion that I’ve disregarded will always return later. Despite the Internet connecting us all, we’ve never been more separate from each other because if I’m on my phone I am not present in the moment.
I am a not anti-phone – the phone used as a tool with intentional purpose and function enhances our lives. However that same phone left unchecked ruins our lives. A mindless approach to phones manifests itself in people’s unhealthy relationship with social media. Utilizing social media to create and share content with the world is positive; using social media to compare and judge is negative. Many people are addicted to the dopamine hit of refreshing Instagram notifications to see if they got another like. The phone has become a slot machine in our pockets – literally the action of pulling the Twitter feed down with your thumb then letting go to refresh and load new tweets is a similar motion, and provides the same dopamine hit, as a slot machine. There will always be someone with more so while this losing and never-ending cycle of judgment and comparison may satisfy my ego for a short time, it always and ultimately robs me of gratitude and mindfulness.
Practice: If I don’t need my phone I do not carry it (for example, I leave my phone in the car before going into a restaurant for dinner). I keep my phone in flight mode any time its possible. I’ve turned off all but the most necessary notifications on my phone. I keep my phone in black and white to reduce the temptation and stimulation that the vibrant colors have on my brain (using these colors is a tactic by app designers to increase screen time). I deleted all unnecessary apps from my phone, especially social media apps and any app which makes more money the more time I spend on it (these apps’ main objective is to increase my screen time to increase their profit). If I choose to browse social media I do so from my laptop and intentionally for a short time.
5:16 pm | Relief takes the place of exhaustion as I pound the final tent stake into the ground with a heavy rock. After reaching our campsite I enjoyed a cold bucket shower, set up my tent, and now have a few hours to relax…horizontally if possible. I feel good as I mingle with local villagers and neatly organize my gear on the spiky savannah grass. I reach into my pack to grab my phone and check out the news and updates I’ve missed today. As I feel the smooth screen in my fingers, I stop, suddenly distracted by the changing colors in the sky as the sun begins to set over the eucalyptus trees on the far side of a field more dirt than grass. On the field a group of boys have stuck branches in the ground as goal posts and are now racing back and forth, their bare feet churning clouds of dust up into the air as they chase a soccer ball made from plastic bags tied together with an old mosquito net. I drop my phone back into the pocket from which it came, extend my legs and elevate my feet, feel the last rays of sunlight on my skin, and simply be.
Footwear
Beliefs: Humans have evolved to walk, hunt, and thrive without footwear. Shoes are coffins for my feet and harm my natural gait. Constricting toe boxes restrict natural toe splay, thick heels shorten my calves and make me tight inflexible, and big arches disrupt the way my foot is supposed to optimally function. Being barefoot or wearing minimalist footwear strengthens my joints and small stabilizing muscles in my legs, and increases my agility and balance.
The mindset of finding a shortcut (a new shoe which promises to fulfill a certain need) instead of putting in the work (to strengthen my foot which has been made and fine-tuned tuned through evolution by nature to be optimal for human movement all by itself) is common in society. However, there are no shortcuts. The only method for mastery is to dedicate myself to the process, love and appreciate the process instead of the results, and apply sustained effort to the process. Loving results without loving the process will never produce the intended results. Shortcuts seem attractive but do not work in my life or on my feet.
Practice: I live in Bedrock Cairn Sandals. I trail run in Merrel Trail Glove 4 shoes, and for longer runs on pavement I wear Altra Escalante 2 shoes.
6:37 pm | Satisfied from dinner and drunk off of intellectual conversation I meander back to my tent. I can feel every oddly shaped rock, every broken twig beneath me; I am intimately connected to Mother Earth through the soles of my tired feet. I sit down at the entrance of my tent and take off my sandals. I crawl under my Maasai shuka and wrap it around me like a confused butterfly returning into its cocoon. Completely at peace I drift between consciousness and sleep, semi-aware that at 3:30am my alarm will ring, my lukewarm instant coffee will be waiting in its BPA-free metal thermos, and the rhythmic sequence of another day on our walk will begin again.
Vulnerability
Beliefs: Everyone is vulnerable but society perceives it as weakness so people hide their vulnerability. I search for material solutions for emotional/spiritual problems, which never works. I’ll never be able to fill a spiritual void with material goods. I have feelings of anxiety and fear so to cope I pick my skin; the picking and visual/physical consequences produce more feelings of anxiety and shame; I feel more anxiety so I pick my skin more and the cycle repeats; I am trapped in this addictive negative-feedback loop. The things/habits that make me feel vulnerable are all things I can control - there is nothing harming me that is out of my control. This gives me hope and the power to change what is harming me.
Practice: I remember that everyone is vulnerable, and I focus on the longterm unattractive consequences of my bad habits instead of the immediate satisfaction. I relate to people by remembering that everyone, like me, is vulnerable; everyone, like me, wants to be happy.